The FriendZone Is Not The EndZone

Sometimes when we really crush on someone, our feelings of infatuation overpowers getting to know the person. The reason why I am using the words crush and infatuation is because you cannot like someone without getting to know them. We look down on the friend zone, because we fear losing the man we really want. Nonetheless, the friend zone is definitely a risk area for the heart, if you do not know the friend zone rules.


Growing up my parents told me I could not have a boyfriend. They told me I could be friends with a boy, but they never taught me how to be friends with the opposite gender. The idea of being friends with a guy is a better idea than dealing with Boyphases. Sometimes our obsessions run the man away. However, there are rules to being friends with a guy that can help soothe the infatuation phase and build a platonic relationship. Here are some rules:

  1. Do a background check.

  2. Unlike dating, You can chase the man, without losing him. However, you must chase in a friendly manner and free of flirtation. If you flirt, then he is going to assume you are trying to date him. ( If he assumes you like him, then you are going to have to find another man to throw him off of his assumptions)

  3. You schedule and pay for the friend dates. Friend dates are not at fancy restaurants or events. If you invite him to a fancy setting before you two know each other well , then he will permanently friend zone you. Friend dates are inviting him to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the game, attending sports events, concerts, going out to nice lounges, Dave and Busters, Six Flags, Skating, go to the gym, and go jogging together . Active friend dates. if you want to keep things friendly, meet up instead of picking the man up.

  4. Dress like a friend. More jeans, work out tights, curly hair, tennis shoes, sandals, crop tops, t-shirts etc.

  5. Host small get togethers on Friday nights and invite him over. Host game or karaoke night.

    5. Pick up the phone. Call him and invite him

if you feel like you know him and still like him, then you must switch up the pattern to get him to chase you. Here are some guidelines:

  1. Dress like a potential girlfriend. Winter is easiest time to make this transition. Thigh heel boots, booties, tights, leather pants, leather jackets, faux coats, wool coats, fancy gloves, winter accessories , long hair are girlfriendly styles. The cold winter weather and holiday decorations can set the tone to leave the friendzone.

  2. Start hinting dates rather than asking him on a date. For instance “ Hey did you see the trailer with Will Smith’s new movie? It’ll be nice to go see the movie”. He may not catch on to the first hint. So make the same suggestion a different way on another day “ Ooh I just saw the trailer again. The movie looks like its going to be fantastic. Anyways, what are your weekend plans? when he replies “ say all thats too bad because… then become quiet. “ keep suggesting, until he asks you.

  3. Invite him over for Netflix and chill on Friday nights. Do not have sex. Both of you Cook dinner together. You make the desert. Ask him to bring some good wine ( teaching him not show up empty handed). You buy some shareable snacks ( pop corn, candy etc.) . Gather your comedy movies. Make this a routine Netflix and chill. Choose comedy movies, so y’all can do the laugh lean and lean and laugh.

  4. Start a hugging routine when you see him. The one arm side hug is the best hug.

Signs You Know He likes you back :

  1. He start calling and asking you out on dates

  2. You are going to be invited to go to his house to Netflix and chill.

  3. He is going to start inviting you out to meet his friends on a Friday night.

  4. He will pick you up on dates

  5. The dates will become fancier at times

Once the signs are starting to show, then its time to have a discussion about the friend zone not being the end zone for you two. Moving forward.

You may discuss exes, but no sob victim stories. Be open, but not bluntly detailed and emotional.

Alicia Smith